Overwelmed.

Today 25,000 people cried out to Jesus at Onething conference in Kansas City.

I was not one of those 25,000.
I was at church with my family.
Just loving on Jesus.
Singing out in worship to Him.

And He whispers so sweetly,
"I see you."

My heart and soul come alive,
Overwhelmed.

25,000 people, Jesus.
25,000.

And He sees me.

Jesus.
His love is more than enough.

Let me tell you a story...

How do I even begin to describe the experiences I have had over the past few days?
How did the great revivalists of the days of old write of what they experienced?

I imagine their journals empty of any great detail of what God was doing, but rather filled with praise for Him.

Overwhelmed with the desire to share and yet no words express.

So I will begin with the words of any great tale:

Let me tell you a story...

That is how it happened yesterday.
Sitting on my living room floor,
with two friends from high school
attentively listening to my words:

“Let me tell you a story…”

for the next hour they didn't leave.

they couldn't leave,

I didn't force them to stay,

they just wanted to listen to the story.

Then this morning,

back at my Alma Mater talking to high school students.

tired & disinterested

until

“Let me tell you a story…”

I felt them all lean in and listen.

The atmosphere of the room changed and they heard.

So.

Let me tell you a story.

You have probably heard it before.

It's about Jesus.

He was born of a virgin.

grew up to a death on a cross,

but not before an agonizing night in Gethsemane

where He sweat drops of blood

As He prayed:

“that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you”

He died.

Was buried.

Conquered death and rose to life on the third day.

And now he is seated in Heaven where he is interceding for us,

Waiting to come back again.

That is who we celebrate this Christmas.

Jesus is who we celebrate at Christmas.

His story leaves me speechless.

Cultivating Obedience and Intimacy

Fragments of this blog post have been scattered across twitter, instagram, and texts to my friends throughout the day, but I am going to gather them all together into what I hope you find to be a beautiful story:

Today after getting coffee with a my friend Jason I was driving. 
I passed by a Catholic church and felt a need to go pray for 
revival to break out in that church. 

Yet I kept driving. 

Even still, I knew something more: I needed to stop.

By this point I would have to turn around.

Here I am in my warm car wondering what am I going to do. 
No one is watching. 
No one even knows I felt like I should stop. 

Then I remembered at coffee with Jason how I was telling him how 
I was learning to be obedient in everything with God because 
He was preparing me for more radical obedience in the further. 
Jason told me he was still working on being obedient. 
Something about the way he said it struck my heart.

Something in me had inspired him to be more obedient.

Remembering this I flipped on my turn signal.

I walked into the church lacking knowledge of rituals of entering a Catholic church, but with a purpose burning in my heart I silenced my cell phone, put down the kneeller and prayed.

I prayed for the church to be awakened.
Knowing I would never see how my prayers were answered.

I thanked God for the little, old ladies praying in front of & behind me.
Thanked Him for the intercessors that came to this church everyday.

Encouragement filled my heart.

Sitting in the pew I picked up a hymal. I looked up to see what hymns they had sung on Sunday and going to the first one I found the words:

"You shall cross the barren desert, 

but you shall not die of thirst. 

You shall wonder far in safety 

though you do not know the way.

You shall speak your words in foreign lands 

and all will understand.

Be not afraid.

I go before you always.

Come follow me, and I will give you rest.

Blest are you that weep and mourn, 

for one day you shall laugh.

You shall see the face of God and live.

If you pass through raging waters in the sea, 

you shall not down.

If you walk amid the burning flames, 

you shall not be harmed.

If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, 

know that I am with you through it all.

Blessed are your poor, 

for the kingdom shall be theirs.

And if wicked tongues insult and hate you all 

because of me, 

blessed, blessed are you!"

(hymn based on Isaiah 43:2-3; Luke 6:20 entitled Be Not Afraid)

My heart was warmed. 

You see the beautiful thing is this: 

Someone needed to hear the words of the hymn. 

Someone needed to know God is a personal God.

Someone needed to feel His touch.

That someone was me. 

Not because I was having a bad day, 

or because I had a huge decision to make. 

Simply because I am in love with Him.

Therefore my heart desires to hear from Him.

In the little things:

going to a Catholic church to kneel, pray, and read a hymn:

I learned that:

Small acts of obedience

lend themselves to 

cultivating

great depths of intimacy

with our Savior.

with one glance

Today I was working on tearing down a wall at my church
(well actually I was mostly on clean up duty).
I was working at a pretty steady pace.
Not being lazy by any means-
but when my brother and a few other staff members came in

I kicked it into high gear, 

Working harder as if to show them I was dedicated.

I want to be that way with God.
I want to feel His eyes upon me
and be deeply moved by it.
I want to respond to His love for me
with obedience.
Dedication.
with one glance.

Being Faithful in the Mundane.

This is my second post about how I long to be like David.

Here he was, a shepherd, the lowest member of in his family and in society, doing the job no one wanted to do and not one recognized.

He had to be outside in all the elements, severe elements: blazing sun, scorching heat, heavy downpours, amidst lightening and thunder, wet without shelter.

Not exactly what any of us would consider picturesque.
Yet He praised God.

He stayed faithful in the mundane.

His heart is apparent in Psalm 19:

The heavens 
proclaim 
the 
glory 
of 
God.

The skies 
display 
His 
craftsmanship. 

Day after day 
they continue to speak;
Night after night 

they make Him known

They speak without a sound or word;
their voice is never heard. 
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.
 

God has made 

a home in the heavens for:

the sun:

It bursts forth,

like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.

It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race. 

The sun rises at one end of the heavens

and follows its course to the other end.

Nothing can hide from its heat. 

The instructions of the Lord are perfect,

reviving the soul.
 

The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy,

making wise the simple. 

The commandments of the Lord are right,

bringing joy to the heart.
 

The commands of the Lord are clear,

giving insight for living. 

Reverence for the Lord is 

pure,

lasting forever.
 

The laws of the Lord are 

true;

each one is fair. 

They are more desirable than 

gold (even the finest gold)
They are sweeter than 

honey (even honey dripping from the comb)

They are a warning to your servant,

a great reward 

for those who obey them.

How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?

Cleanse me from these hidden faults. 

Keep your servant from deliberate sins!

Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be 

free of guilt  and innocent of great sin.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
 

 O Lord, 

my rock and 

my redeemer.

More.

In almost everything in my life I want more.
Food, friends, time, energy, money, shoes.

It seems I am never satisfied.
Except for in one area:  God.

It is sad to say but too often I am satisfied with the bare minimum of God.

I only want the surface level knowledge.
Just a few minutes of prayer or in the word.

But it doesn't stop there.
Even when I do press in and spend more than just a few spare minutes with God, I wait until I learn something- anything really- and then I am done.

It is like hearing from God becomes just another item on my list of things to check off.

Personally I am not happy about that.
I wonder if I think that God is done speaking to me... and He isn't. He just wanted me to spend a little more time with him. He had more he wanted to share with me. 

God is pleased with every bit that I give to Him, but I think He wants more of me.

The Creator of the Universe wants more of me... yet here I am wanting more food, friends, time, energy, money, and shoes.

It is time that I want more of Him.

So I deem this: The Summer of More.

I want be be like Daniel.

Only I, Daniel, saw this vision.
The men with me saw nothing,
but they were suddenly terrified
and ran away to hide.

So I was left there
all alone to see this
amazing vision.

My strength left me,
my face grew deathly pale,
and I felt very weak.

Then I heard the man speak,
and when I heard the sound of his voice,
I fainted and lay there with my face to the ground.

Just then a hand touched me
and lifted me,
still trembling,
to my hands and knees.

And the man said to me,

“Daniel, you are very precious to God,

so listen carefully to what
I have to say to you.
Stand up,
for I have been sent to you.”

When he said this to me, I stood up, still trembling.

Then he said,

“Don’t be afraid, Daniel.

Since the first day
you began to pray for understanding
and to humble yourself before your God,
your request has been heard in heaven.
I have come in answer to your prayer."

While he was speaking to me,
I looked down at the ground,
unable to say a word.

Then the one who looked like a man
touched my lips, and
I opened my mouth and
began to speak.

I said to
the one
standing in front of me,
“I am filled with anguish
because of the vision
I have seen, my lord, and
I am very weak.

How can someone like me,
your servant,
talk to you,
my lord?

My strength is gone,
and I can hardly breathe.”

Then
the one
who looked like a man
touched me again, and
I felt my strength returning.

“Don’t be afraid,”
he said,
“for you are very precious to God.
Peace!
Be encouraged!
Be strong!”

As he spoke these words to me,
I suddenly felt stronger and said to him,

“Please speak to me, my lord,
for you have strengthened me.”

(Daniel 10:1-12, 15-19)

I want be be like Daniel.

Cold feet

When I hear the term "cold feet" thoughts of the movie Runaway Bride starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere pop onto my head.

It represents the feelings every bride or groom suppositely experience before marriage
.
They fear taking vows. After all it is permanent agreement- something not to be taken lightly.

In other parts of the world the phrase "cold feet" actually refers to the temperature of one's feet.

Maybe they are barefoot. Don't have socks. Or their shoes fail to keep their feet dry. Any of these could result in: cold feet.

So today I had "cold feet."

No, I am not getting married tomorrow.

My feet were actually cold.

This could have something to do with the fact that I was not wearing shoes because it is TOMS One Day Without Shoes.

This morning I woke up and I honestly I didn't want to go barefoot. But I made a vow. I promised myself I would go barefoot today to raise awareness for those who don't have a choice.

For those who experience cold feet everyday. Not just on the night before their wedding.

Matthew 11:30

You see, my dear brothers and sisters,
the Bible says that His yoke is easy.
And the Bible don't lie.
So if you feel burdened and stressed out-
you aren't doing it right.

You are trying to bare on the weight
on your own shoulders rather than
practicing surrender.

Nothing is to heavy for
the One 
who hung on the cross.

Humble yourself,
place whatever you are doing-
your whole life-
into the scarred hands of the
Savior.

Only then will burden be light.

Alive.

Growing up a pastor's kid I understood that the church is where you get fed. Not just eating the leftover bread on communion Sunday as a kid, but being spiritually fed as I grew older. 

The feel of an old hymnal in my hands to the music of an old piano slightly out of tune.
Passing of the peace, taking too long to get back to your pew.
Scrawling notes in my journal and on the backs of offering envelopes.

There was a certain comfort in those things that I didn't think existed anywhere else.

I was under a spell that the only place you could be spiritually feed was within the walls of a church.

Mmm... Nope. I couldn't have been more wrong.

My spirit comes alive on my first day at classes at Malone when my professor teaches us the two meanings of entertain:

1. to distract you from what is important

2. hospitality, to hold- warm.

Later that day I journal:

It is great to get as much out of a class lecture as I would listening to a sermon. Not just knowledge, but meaning.

I had learned one of the most important lessons in my life. 

Your spirit can be feed in more places than in the church, and by more people than your pastor.

So my life has led me to last night. A simple night. A house concert with less than 50 people. There was no sermon, yet I left wiser than I came. There were no hymnals, but oh was there music. 

Last night I was entertained by the Rough and Tumble.

I sat in a home surrounded by life and my heart weighed heavy with beauty.

Crowding as many people as your can onto a couch.
Closing your eyes and imagining dancing in the rain 
to the sound of broken glass shards in a wine bottle.
The intimacy of being barefoot with strangers.
A bookshelf in the corner standing still 
to the sound of applause.

I felt alive.

In communion with the culmination of God's creation: people.

Moments like last night are few and far between for most people. 

We go through life only capturing glimpses of what God desires us to experience at all times.

Yes it sounds a little silly that a crowded couch, a bookshelf, and some music would make me feel so alive.

That's the fun of it though. It is silly. 

It is free. 
It is organic.
and warm.
and captivating.

It is like the music of The Rough and Tumble:

https://www.facebook.com/theroughandtumble/app_2405167945

Still, quietness of the Dawn

Lately I have been waking up early to finish homework and have witnessed the beauty of a new morning dawning. 

There is the peace in this dorm that is typically bustling with life. 

During the day, community is so present that laughing and talking never fully cease. 

But, in the still of the morning there is a quietness that warms my heart. 

The thought that the lovely ladies on my floor that I have grown to love and love more with each day are peacefully slumbering in their beds. Resting their bodies, weary from a day full of striving to serve the Lord in all they do, in preparation for a new day.

There is a holiness in the quietness of my dorm that exists in few places: 

In the quiet of a sanctuary, empty save for yourself. 

In the quiet rhythms of nature, humming worship for the Creator.

And here in the place I have grown to call home 

Among the women I am honored to call my sisters.

Light is sweet; how pleasant to see a new day dawning.

Ecclesiastes 11:7

Yoke.

Today at chapel we learned about Matthew 11:28-30:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, 

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I grew up in the church so I was familiar with this verse and have heard it talk about often. Yet somehow until today I had missed the real meaning of the verse. 

Here is what I thought about it up until today. I will come to God and he will fit me with a yoke which I will somehow be able to pull despite how heavy it is... and in that I will find rest. It didn't really make sense to me that I would be bearing this burden alone, but I would be happy about it. In my mind it work out because God knows me well enough to know my strength so instead of me starting off pulling 200 pounds, He would start me with 20 and work my way up.

Now, none of that is technically wrong, I was just missing a huge piece of the puzzle. 

This was simply because I had never seen what a yoke looked like. 

So look for yourself and see what I was missing:

A yoke is meant to be used by a pair.

When God invites me to come to Him and take His yoke upon me, He is asking me to come alongside Him.

The creator of the universe, the man who knows the grains of sands that line the beaches and the blades of grass that cover our fields, it beckoning me to come alongside Him.

This thought makes my heart swell. 

He wants to share my burdens. To pull them with me.

A life in Christ isn't about taking on the impossible alone in order to glorify God.

It is about doing the impossible with Him because then the glory does not come in the completion of the task alone, but also in the process of completing it. 

The glory comes in the sharing of the burden. In the learning for the One who knows all. 

Now, that picture of a yoke is beautiful. 

Christ-like Love

Today I have been really sick. I went through an entire box of tissues. My eyes won't stop watering and my nose won't stop running. In other words I have been miserable.

Desperate for some relieve I posted a status on Facebook asking someone to come to my rescue, and sure enough, someone did: Bonnie Evans.

She is an angel. She drove a half hour from home at 10 o'clock at night to bring some medicine and 3 boxes of tissues to a stranded and sick college student.

This small demonstration of love means the world to me. 
I am already feeling better, and not just because I finally got some medicine in me, but because her love has warmed my heart.

I pray that some day I have the opportunity to pay it forward and love someone the way I was loved tonight.

Two thoughts on my heart.

1. 
Me: "God, why did you give me something so good, just to take it away..."
God:"Because I have something far  better in store for you"

I wouldn't see how great it was if He hadn't taken away the first thing.

So... being patient.

2.
My dad talked to me today about how we should pray as Jesus did, "Not my will, but your will be done."

But too often we get it mixed up and pray "Not your will, but my will be done."

I put these two thoughts together because they go hand in hand. 

all.

Jesus gave it all.

Until tonight every time I heard that phrase I would think of the crucifixion and how the Son of God gave it all in His death on the cross.

He died for me.
That alone leaves me emotional, but let think a little deeper.

What else did Jesus give up for us? And for those who may still deny Him.
He gave up his life too. His days and nights, his hopes and dreams.
He gave up getting married and having a family of his own.

From the moment he came to earth he did God's Will for His life, not His own.


I can remember saying to God before: "This is my life. I get to decide."
Wrong.
This life isn't about me. It is about bring a deserving God honor and praise.

So am I ready to give my all for Jesus?
Of course I would die for Him, but will I live for Him too?

Misguided Ghosts.

Probably my favorite Paramore song. Not just because of  it's raw acoustic sound, but because of it's raw emotion. 

Distance is good for the heart. 

It helps us see the world through a clearer lens.

No longer are views blurred by emotion or habit.

Mistakes aren't the end to all things good, but rather the beginning to better things yet to come.

It is cliche.

Mistakes. 

They're beautiful in a way.

Think back, remember what you consider to be your biggest mistake, the day you wish you could change. 

The memory of that day is unstable and empty. The ground seems to crumble beneath your feet. The terrain is barren. Trees empty of leaves. 

The air is cold, but you don't feel it because you are numb.

Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am in distress. 

      Tears blur my eyes. 

      My body and soul are withering away. 

 I am dying from grief; 

      my years are shortened by sadness. 

   Sin has drained my strength; 

      I am wasting away from within. 

But I am trusting you, O LORD, 

      saying, “You are my God!” 

 My future is in your hands. 

      Rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly. 

 Let your favor shine on your servant. 

      In your unfailing love, rescue me. 

(Psalm 31: 9-10, 14-16)

Simply, your past may be a desert, but your future can be an orchard.

Life is not a destination, it is a journey. 

I am learning how beautiful that statement is. 

I can't wait to see where it takes me.

Where God leads me.

Men of God Step Up. Women of God Be Bold.

Disclaimer: This post may be offensive.

Tonight at the Well we were all encouraged to take our shoes off as we worshiped God's infinite holiness. As the worship leader began to take off his shoes as an example I looked around to see if other people were following his lead.  I wanted to see if they were before I did. Had they not, I may not have taken my shoes off, I am not sure.

After taking off my shoes, I looked at the couple seated in front of me. The girl looked to her boyfriend to see if he was going to take his shoes off.
He didn't, so she didn't.
It didn't matter to her that everyone else in the room was barefoot.
He wasn't, so she wasn't.

This bothered me.
Not because I was judging them, because as I mention in the first paragraph I too looked around before I took my shoes off.

Makes me wonder:
What if I was blind and couldn't see if anyone else was taking their shoes off? How would my actions have changed? Would I have been quick to take my shoes off or would I have left them on instead of breaking the status quo?

Like many of you reading this post, if I am honest with myself, I probably wouldn't have worshiped barefoot.

This brings me to the title of my post.

1. Men of God Step Up.
While you like it or not you are an example. Younger men up look to you, women who don't want to disappoint you look up to you.

Whether or not you realize it, you are already a leader. Just because you aren't a good one doesn't mean people aren't already following you.

They will follow you into the darkness if they trust you enough.

That is scary. Thinking that young women today will follow their men into the darkness because they are too afraid to turn away from a man and towards the light, which brings me to my second point:

2. Women of God Be Bold.
You are powerful. Write that on your heart. Don't believe me study Esther.

Your faith is your own. Not your boyfriends. I don't care if he has a perfect chin and always tell you he loves you.

You will always be God's first love. 

Live for God according to his will for your life. I am not saying it is bad to date or be in a relationship, but what I am staying is that relationship is lethal to your faith if it prevents you from being obedient to God.
You are a leader too. Others look to you to see what to do.

In conclusion,
Guys and dolls,
You want to change the world?
It starts in your room alone.
On your knees before an infinitely holy God.

Then it goes out into a world with people look to you to see what their actions should be.

Step up and be a leader who leads those around you boldly into the light.

The Question I Can't Stop Thinking About.

The past few days I haven't been able to get this question off my mind. It has really been challenging my faith, and so I hope it challenges yours too.

If we lived during a time when Christians were under persecution for their faith and all Bibles were destroyed, would I know enough of the Bible to continue to spread the Gospel?

Sadly, my answer is no. I go to church Sunday after Sunday and find encouragement,as little pick me up, but I don't write it on my heart. Believing in God is not like drinking your morning cup of coffee to get you through the day. It is a lifestyle.

And it's not easy.

For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.
Matthew 7:14

I know this isn't the most encouraging post, but hopefully it will inspire growth. After all, that is what this blog is called.