Fathers' Pain

Until today I have never seen agonizing pain.

In church I have heard about this man named Jesus. He was whipped, his beard ripped out, forced to carry a cross and wear a crown of thorns.

Brutal pain which no words can ever fully describe.
Even to imagine and try to visualize such pain would not do it justice.

I remember seeing the movie Passion of the Christ and weeping at the pain my Savior went through. It hurt. It broke my heart.

That was the most agonizing pain I had ever seen my entire life.

Until today when I saw my father laying in his hospital bed. 

Now, I am not saying that the pain my father is suffering now after his back surgery is anywhere near the pain Christ endured in the crucifiction.

Yet- I see my father weakened and in pain and tears well up in my eyes. Sorrow for my father overwhelms my heart.

These emotions have left me pondering just how much pain Christ endured.

Happy Blankie aka my new One for One Love

So if you know anything about me you know that I am passionate about TOMS One for One movement. Every chance I get, I talk about it.

Today I decided to do some exploring and found a website with 10 inspiring "Buy one give one projects"
(to see them all go to http://mashable.com/2010/11/07/buy-one-give-one/ )

My favorite one (probably because it is the cutest one) is called Happy Blankie.
It was founded in 2008by David Holdridge because he wanted to combine his little sister's two favorite thing: stuffed animals and blankies.
The shocking part was he was only 7 years old.

This is a video of him talking about the company:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eEqtN94i3-M

The other cool thing is that for every blanket bought they donate one.
(As if how precious the blankets are wasn't cute enough!)

Here is another video where some of the blankies are featured:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxUQ96YymPg&feature=plcp&context=C32e368bUDOEgsToPDskKtJBclJqVsIBZ_8B6_Qsz5

But I couldn't resist, so here is my favorite:

Hope you enjoy them as much as me :)

Love Yourself

I believe with all my heart that I am just one member of a broken generation. Empty, sad, lonely, and hurting. The person people hate the most now a days is themselves.
(Or maybe it is just me.)

When I try to build up a relationship with someone, whether it be dating or a friendship, I work to get to know that person. Their favorite color, what food they like, the type of music they listen to, and movies the would love to watch on repeat.

I put effort into loving them. It is something that I work at and I am intentional about.

Then I go home and beat myself up. Don't lie, we all do it once and awhile. Hate what we wore that day, or how much we ate for dinner, or what we did or didn't say. The end of the day is filled with regrets for the decisions I made.

Why?
I don't love myself.
Therefore, I can't forgive myself and move on.

I think so many (way more than would admit it) are carrying around the baggage of self loathing. That's why people can't stand to be alone. They hate themselves.

I was one of those people. Never content being alone. Always had to be with someone or texting someone, right until the moment I fell asleep at night.

That is a sad and lonely life.
And ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you this... if that is how you feel, not man or woman, no matter how great, loving, and forgiving can make you love yourself. You have to decide that.

Enjoy being you. Be proud of your ideas. Think you are beautiful.
Love yourself.
Because contrary to popular belief you must love yourself before you can truly love others.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.

Mark 12:30-31

The truth is: I was not loving my neighbors as myself because I didn't love myself.

litte tree

litte tree

e.e. cummings

"that sleep all the year in a dark box

dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,

the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,

put up your little arms

and i'll give them all to you to hold

every finger shall have its ring

and there won't be a single place dark or unhappy

then when you're quite dressed

you'll stand in the window for everyone to see

and how they'll stare!

oh but you'll be very proud"

Today we put up our Christmas tree. It was a lovely time with my mom and dad. 

Despite how much I hate the tasks of putting the tree together, spreading all the branches out, and getting all the lights to work, it is all worth it when we start unpacking the ornaments.

My mom sets them out on a table for us to put on the tree. It doesn't matter which ornaments are on the table I still  want to dig into the bottom of the box and see what ornaments are down there. 

Then my mom starts saying that we have a smaller tree so we are going to have to limit the number of ornament, but I didn't listen, when see wasn't looking I would dig back into the boxes and pull out more ornaments. I wanted to put one on every branch!

I almost did!

But she caught me.

I just love the ornaments.

Why?

Cause they are pretty and sparkly and glow when surrounded by a strand of lights? 

Yeah, but more than that, I think it is the memories. 

It is the people who gave us the ornaments, or the people the ornaments remind us of.

It is the thoughts of times gone by, all the memories made and times cherished that make Christmas trees so beautiful.

So I urge you to tell those around you how you remembered them, even in the little things, like an ornament, because you never know who touched they will be.

My Dad

I know all of my posts up until this point have been based off of scripture or some Christian experience I got, but tonight's is gonna be a little different. I want to tell you about one of the men in my life that has really encouraged my faith and helped me to grow into the Woman of God I am today.

That's my Dad.

Tonight my Dad and I went on what I would like to call a Daddy Date. When went the see the play "A Christmas Carol" (my Dad's favorite), took a walk down the main street in town, and then went to dinner.

I don't think I stopped talking all night.
Seriously. I don't.
(Except for during the play of course because that would have just been rude.)

And you know what? My Dad never once stopped listening. I swear I could talk for 4 hours straight and my Dad would sit there and listen to every word that came out of my mouth. It doesn't even matter what I am saying, he just cares so much about me that he wants to hear about everything going on in my life.

I felt so important tonight because my Dad truly cared about every story I told him, big and small, short and long alike.

I am honored to have a father who takes the time to listen to me. So often I take that for granted.
I feel like I look for more opportunities to complain than I do to rejoice.

I should rejoice more.
For things like a sale on candy canes, or picking a friend up from the airport. A warm house, food in my belly.
SNOW!
Seeing a play, a walk with my dad, and staying long after we had finished eating to finish our conversation.

So, thanks Dad. Thanks for the memories we made tonight! (Thanks for dinner!! It was delicious.) Thanks for the long talk, all the encouragement.
Thanks for all the times you have prayed for me over my 19 years on year and even before I was born.
Thanks for the cards you send me at school.
For teaching me how to grow tomatoes and prune trees.
For teaching me how to pray, love the Lord, be reverent.
For teaching me about service and love.
For singing with me in the car and answering a billion questions (both when I was young and now).

I haven't told you thank you enough for all you have done, but truth is, God really blessed me when He gave me to you and Mom. He knew that I would need parents who supported me and stood behind me. I can't think of a single time when you and Mom weren't there cheering me on, buying me flowers, or congratulating me.

In summary- I am really blessed.

Be like Hannah

And she vowed a vow and said, "O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head."

1 Samuel 1:11

I long to be more like Hannah. 

She is a Woman who truly fears the Lord. She approached  him as a humble servant.

What strength.

Hannah was unable to have children and felt like a failure. 

In her moment of weakness when she was not eating and could not keep from weeping she cried out to God.

She asked him for the thing she desired most and then promised to give it back God if it was given to her. 

Even in asking for our her desires, she still promised to serve God.

After reading this I couldn't help but wonder- what have I promised to God?

I love Him, but I set aside what I think to be enough for Him, a portion of my paycheck every two weeks and a portion of my time each day.

But I wonder, what difference would it make if I asked God for more in order to return it all back to Him.

All of it. 

Hannah did and what happened? Her prayer of sorrow was transformed into a prayer of praise in the chapter (1 Samuel 2: 1-10).

If I am seeking joy and fullness to comes in emptying my wallet and opening my arms.

It comes in serving God.

I desire to live for Him more than I live for the world.

I want to be like Hannah.

reverence: the act of not running in the sanctuary

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; 

she laughs at the days to come."

Proverbs 31:25

(I encourage you to reach the entirety of the description of a woman who fears the Lord in Proverbs 31:10-31.)


Her strength and dignity do not come form her amazing achievements.
They are a result of her reverence for God.

reverence: to adore, highly respect; to worship

Whenever I hear the word reverence I remember my dad example to me and my friends what it was after church one Sunday. I think I was like 5th grade and I was at acolyte training. 

My friends and I were running around the church playing tag and being really loud. My dad came in to start the training and sat us all down at the back of the church and told us that we needed to be reverent of God when we were in the sanctuary. 


I raised my hand and was like, "Dad, whats rev-er-ance?"


In my memory he smiled and explained that we shouldn't run or yell in the sanctuary. It is a holy place.  We should respect God.


(I imagine he was referring to Leviticus 19:30 that reads, "Observe my Sabbaths and have reverence for my sanctuary. I am the Lord.")


Years later I still connect the meaning of the word reverence to not running in the sanctuary.


The question on my heart is well, what is the big kid meaning of reverence?

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

Titus 2:3-5

Reverence is honoring God. 

Worshiping Him.

Reverence is respectful, submissive attitude of mind resulting in affection and esteem for the person to which it is directed.

This means that reverence is directly tied to love. When I was a child I loved God, so I didn't run in the sanctuary. As a woman my reverence comes from my deep love for a holy God. From worshiping a God that I stand in awe of and fear.

I know it has been said a billion times before, but it is true. When my eyes are fixed on God, I will not worry about the future. I will laugh at it. 

So my strength and dignity does not need to come from others seeing my accomplishments. It comes from them seeing my deep love and fear for the Lord. 

There is no stronger woman than one who knows how to fear the Lord. 

Resource: http://preachersfiles.com/reverence-meaning/

Spiral of Silence Theory

The Spiral of Silence Theory explains how public opinion can minimize social expression of minority opinion while exaggerating the power of the majority.

Thanks to German researcher Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann and the help of my Intro to Communications class I now understand this theory.

People who perceive themselves to be in a minority don't say anything, whereas people who perceive themselves to be in the majority are more motivated to speak.

Being quiet because you don't think others will agree with what you say only helps the Spiral of Silence.  The more people who don't speak up, the less a minority is represented. This also means that through not helping the minority you are unintentionally helping the majority grow stronger.

Why do I write this blog with this long explanation of some random theory I learned in my Intro to Communications class? Two reasons:

1. I found it very interesting.
2. It is very true for me.

I bite my tongue way to often and don't say what I want to or should say.  I don't express the things I love because I am afraid people will make fun of me. By doing this I am forcing my personality, and ultimately who God created me to be into silence.

I no longer know what I believe or what I am passionate about because it has been so long since I have expressed it.

So here goes, for those of you who want to know more about me here is a list of 10 things:

1. I have a very sensitive heart that breaks for the hurting and lost of the world. It brings me to tears.
2. I am passionate about TOMS shoes the One for One movement that they stand for.
3. I love John 13 when Jesus washes the disciples' feet because I think there is something so beautiful about humility, especially the act of washing someone's feet.
4. I love vintage things. Cameos. Old dishes and vases. Suitcases. There is something beautiful about the history they represent.
5. I am a woman who is thankful for the little things in life like a warm coat with a nice big hood or a dry pair of socks on a rainy day.
6. I love the rain.
7. And picnics (pronounced pic-I-nic).
8. Swinging makes me feel like I am flying and so I will never past up and opportunity to go to a park.
9. I believe trees are a great metaphor for how we should try to live a Christian life (plus they are beautiful).
10. I like talking. About anything or everything. I just enjoy communication. Hence why I started this blog.

Thanks guys and dolls. I encourage you to make your own list and pray about who God created you to be, then work towards making that person a reality throughout your everyday.

Encounter with an Atheist

"We tend to focus on what we can and should do in the future, rather than what we can and should do today."
-Francis Chan

That was the sentence we started Bible study with tonight. Then we asked ourselves the question:
If you were absolutely, 100 percent submitted to the will of God at this moment, what do you think He might ask you to do?

The answer in my head. Go to the Conservatory.
So we did.

I met this girl. I don't know her name. I didn't ask it. But she was smoking a cigarette and had short black hair that hung in her eyes. She plays the violin in the orchestra and was on break from rehearsal.

"Are you in the Conservatory?" she asked.
"No."
"Then what are you doing here?"

I explained to her that after watching a video at Bible Study we decided that rather than sitting in our comfortable room and talking about the Bible we would go out and pass drinks out to people in the Conservatory, unfortunately I didn't have one left to give to her.

She didn't mind.She began to tell be about the piece that the orchestra was preparing: Bach's Matthew Passion. It was their first rehearsal of the piece. She thought my Bible Study might be interested in coming to see it next semester.

I asked her if she was a Christian. She said no...
But then something beautiful happened.

She told me that she admired me for what I was doing. A lot of Christians just study the word of God but don't get out and do something, not that that is bad, but here I was being proactive.

It was beautiful because she didn't condemn me. She didn't make fun of my faith or try to prove me wrong. She listened to me and responded well.

I never thought this would happen. It was beautiful. She was a wonderful person standing in the rain with me as she smoked a cigarette, with her bangs in her face, and her gentle spirit touching my heart.

I wouldn't trade that encounter for anything.

Perfect Timing

Facts about Jewish law that will come in handy when reading this entry:

1.The Sabbath began at sundown on Friday and ends at sundown on Saturday.
2. It is against Jewish law to do physical work or to travel on the Sabbath.
3. It is also against Jewish law to let a dead body remain exposed overnight (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Jesus died just a few hours before sundown on the Sabbath, meaning that God had perfect time in his death. Joseph of Arimathea came to bury Jesus' body before Sabbath began (Mark 15:43). If Jesus had died on the Sabbath when Joseph was unavailable, his body would have been taken down by the Romans. Had the Romans taken Jesus' body, no Jews could have confirmed his death, and opponents could have disputed his resurrection.

In summary, God's timing was perfect.
One of my favorite movies is The Wedding Planner. It that movie there is a line, "Have you ever loved someone, but that timing was off. Way off." How often have I felt that way? Wishing that I could skip over certain times of my life to get to the better days. In middle school I just wanted to be in High School. In High school I wanted to graduate. In college I want to get married.

When will I stop rushing through life?
More importantly, when will I humble myself God's will and HIS timing and say, "Alright God, you got this one."

Living life as a waiting game is miserable. That is not how God created us to live. This example of Christ's death is only one of many examples of how perfect God's timing is. I could devote an entire blog to entry after entry filled with different examples of how perfect God's timing is.  Here is the kicker:

Would it change the way you approach life?

I pray it does.